#5 Fun Times on the Bus

Yesterday, I took the public bus home. I take it almost everyday, and the same group of kids gets on two stops after I do. To me, they seem like a perfectly normal, roudy group of friends. We all sit in the back half of the bus together (I say together because I usually end up sitting next to one of them, even though we've never spoken), and they are always joking around and whatnot.

I just read over that past sentence... come to think of it, these kids probably think I'm hugely creepy and invasive.

In their friend group, there's another girl who's also blonde, and sort of similar looking to me. Earlier this year, one of the boys in this group even announced to his friends that he thinks she and I look alike. He whispered it, though, because I've never really interacted with these people, and he certainly didn't want to break the ice. This was still an uncomfortable moment, though, because I not only heard him whisper this, but felt all of them stare at me simultaneously. I pretended not to notice, but I was hoping I didn't have food on my face.

Alright, so I'm on the bus. There are a few other people in the section we all sit in. We get to their stop, they get on the bus, the ones who get on first come take the available seats (one or two are on either side of me), and the slow pokes have to stand in that same section. Naturally, the standers start complaining. Regardless, even though the bus is a bit crowded, they're all still joking around as usual.

Five minutes or so pass, and one of the larger boys keeps begging for one of his friends to get up, saying, "I'm a fatass, I need to sit."

His friend replies, "sit on Amanda!" (or something to that extent).

And, just like that, (imagine me snapping my fingers with authority), the large one sits on my lap.
I repeat: he sat. On my lap.

Without looking at me, he starts to dance around a bit, and goes, "comfy, Amanda?"

Honestly, what does one do in that situation? Push him off? No. Let him figure it out on his own? Probably not. Dance with him and hope to make a new buddy? Shh, Wynn, that's weird. Negative.

I've read books on social etiquette, but never have I ever found a section entitled "the proper ways to act when large teenage boys mistake you for a friend and give you a lap dance on the public bus."

Before I can answer him by saying... well I just don't know what I would have said, he turns around and looks at me. I see his face transition from a big, goofy smile, to absolute horror in about 2 seconds.

"Are you comf-OOOOOHHHHH SHIT!"

He gets up as if he just sat on a fire, apologizes countless times, and his friends (including Amanda, I'm sure) are probably crying they are laughing so hard, from what I can hear. I say it's okay, and that I understood (I really didn't), because mistakes happen, etc. My stop was very soon, anyway.

Because this scenario is so bizarre, I am opening it up to you, my readers: assuming this boy didn't turn around so swiftly, what on earth would you have done, in my situation?